Conflict Style - TKI Quadrant

According to Thomas and Killman, there are Five Conflict Management Styles; competing, avoiding, compromising, collaborating and accommodating.  Take a look at this PowerPoint I created to explain the Five Conflict Management Styles.

As you can see by the table, below, each style has an assertiveness and a cooperativeness level associated with it.  Each of them, as you can see in the Five Conflict Styles Power Point, are useful at times but not at other times.

Click here for link to TKI site

We were asked to take a self-assessment test to determine our preferred conflict management style. You, too, can take an assessment through the TKI website.

The results can be quite startling.  My score is as follows:

1. Avoiding was the highest with 11 points, which is the most commonly used conflict style
2. Compromising came in second with 10 points
3. Third was a tie with collaborating and accommodating 
4. Fourth and final was competing, which is the least preferred style

Managing conflict is not one of my strengths.  As the second oldest in a family of four, it has been very difficult to compete with my big sister.  She is the exact opposite of me.  She takes more of an authoritative approach to her relationships and conflicts where I tend to avoid conflict; I think due to the lack skills for the right approach.  This scenario supports my highest conflict style score on the conflict management assessment, which was avoidance but only by one point.  My next level style was compromise, which is not a positive approach either, as nobody wins from this middle-ground approach.

I am not sure if there is a way to be more flexible in my approach to avoiding conflict.  I think I need to be more rigid so problems get addressed and resolved.  Take for example a recent exchange regarding a family heirloom I requested from my siblings.  There was only one heirloom I cared about.  I was told by one sibling, yes, you can have it.  My sister avoided my request until I asked her again and rather than be direct that she wanted it, she said we need to have a family discussion about all of the family heirlooms and that she would relinquish something she asked me for that I said yes about.  My opinion here is that she was avoiding the conflict but being authoritative as well.  It implied that she now wanted the heirloom I wanted and was willing to give up the something of less value to her.  When I respond to requests of this nature, I first think about how important it is to me versus how important it may be to the other individual.  I reneged on my request and have regretted it ever since.  I do not see how I could have changed this outcome.  Perhaps I could have waited a bit longer to give her a chance to think about it.  However, history reminds me that she wins at all costs.

This conflict style reminds me of a communication style I need to address as well:  I do not do well in one on one or small group settings in getting my point across. I need to learn how to be more persuasive and clear with my intentions.  I look forward to seeing how I can continue to grow in these areas of need.  Interestingly, my least favorite preference is "competition." Many would argue that of me because I do push hard but I do not like to create hostile environments.

On the bright side, if you look at all of my conflict management style scores, on average, I tend to be accommodating and collaborative.  This is true on an on-going basis, especially at work in large teams I lead or areas within my control. In addition, my scores were so close that you could assume that I am flexible with my conflict style.  It really depends on the situation as to how I would manage it.

References

https://books.google.com/books/about/Applying_Communication_Theory_for_Profes.html?id=qLxzcFIgykIC&source=kp_cover&hl=en

MIT:  Conflict Management - Conflict Styles

TKI Self Assessment Instrument